hello pple!
just checking in for a quick update.
3 days into the boot camp, and im suffering fatigue and still clueless.
having choir withdrawal, i guess.
was just thinking thru again, like how all this had been a whirlwind hallucination
surreal despite feeling physical realness, weariness.

people here are generally hospitable?
yet, im, im still craving for more.
more interaction, more PROPER conversations that revolve arnd themselves.
instead of constantly directed at the work.
yet hard-pressed for time, im resigned.

and.
once again, the looming, ominous burden
of living up to expectations
being apparently elite of a premium school
in such an environment
please, shed double standards for once?
stigma with failing, disappointing; the fine prints of every bargain
and so we fight, underlying conflict, tensions
buoyed to the surface in open disagreement
question, whether its smthg hardwired
so intrinsic in the human genetics
i, i feel so sapped of my language,
my emotions, i cease to feel ironically, as i strive so hard to create, that ambience
for heightened awareness, perception to the inner soul

melancholy and ebony discouragement
filters through bright exuberant cellophane of excitement
dampening mental resilence
and-
ok well, ive got to go
back to designing, painting, all things inanimate.
i'll be on haitus, world
but mail me, drop me a line, if you bother enough id appreciate it
thanks, sua, ken, terence julian.
and linxin, joce, all my wonderful choir mates and church frens.